Bookmark #710

I think the last thing I ever want is for someone to ask someone else about me and them being able to perfectly, in a few words, describe who I am. Such a tragedy that would be if someone could say a single word to catch everything a person is and everything they ever could be, as if casting a net over their entire being. Such a terrible thing it is to be labelled and defined. A friend remarked the other day about how I tend to contradict myself every half year or so, and I laughed about it and said something about how it wasn’t always like that, that there are things that change and things that stay, but then, I thought about it a lot, and they did make a valid observation. But then, I reckon it is all by design, and this need to reinvent who I am and what I do continually. It starts to suffocate me if time passes and I look in the mirror, and it is the same person I see, complete with the same vocation, fears or days. There is so much room to experiment in this life, and we must shuffle things up every two or three years to exercise this muscle of freedom in our minds. You conform too long to yourself and what everyone says about you, and then, you conform for a lifetime. At least, I think that is true, and so I tend to go out of my way to make sure there is some problem to solve, and as flawed as it may sound, make a problem if there isn’t any, but then, this is life, and there are always things to fix or make better. At least, I think that is true, but you could never be too sure about these things.

The whole day has passed since I wrote the above, and like an adept juggler or acrobat, I have balanced the requirements to be a person on my nose. Now, I sit at the cafe and bask in my glory. Another day has been conquered. Another battle has been won. No one will tell these tales. We begin and end with our banality. I take a sip of the coffee like it is some mead from the gods, given as a gift to exist, and I think of myself and all that I did today, and a part of me is happy for whoever I am right now, but a part of me has begun to ask: where to next? I do not have an answer. Not yet.

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