Bookmark #438

Last evening, I sat on my chair, spinning in happiness, one thought circling in my head: I am happy, I am happy, I am happy. It has taken me a lot of time to get here. There was no reason for me to be as ecstatic. It was a normal day in a normal life, but I found myself exhilarated about this normalcy. I thought about walking in the city, of all the times I had walked in the streets of this town, and it gave me an inebriation I had not experienced in the strongest of booze I have had yet. Oh, to be drunk on happiness. There is no drink so potent, no drug as strong. Why was I happy? Maybe, it was the sudden realisation of my worth. And why did I know my worth? Because I knew the extent of the happiness I could feel.

I thought of time, how fast it has passed and how slow the weeks have felt still. I thought of this contradiction and how everyone before me has experienced it. Perhaps, time did flow only towards the future and only forward. Maybe, that much was true, but it did not flow constantly. Some moments slowed it, and others rushed it. And these moments were different for all people. Our clocks and calendars were but a soft proxy for the lived experience of time. I thought of how each day feels like a year in itself now. No, not because of some impossibility or heaviness, but only how open my eyes are and how my heart takes it all in. I thought of the good I had managed to do with my days amidst the relentless chaos.

The music went on and on, and I sat there, laughing, smiling. I wanted to share this feeling with the entire world and, if possible, send it out into outer space for those who may stumble upon it perchance. I tried writing about it, but all I wanted to do was sit in it, to sit on the chair, and so, I mustered only a sentence: in my happiness, I ardently wait for what the future holds. There is so much that is yet to happen. There is so much time still. There are so many days waiting to be experienced. I cannot wait to see what this life hands me next—even if it is a cup of coffee. And what if nothing happens? Then, nothing it shall be. And even that will not take this joy away from me.

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