Bookmark #210

Ah, we’re back here again. Happens a lot, doesn’t it? The floor used to be colder, too. Look now, we have a rug. Sitting on the floor has never felt better, has it? Gotten a bit too comfortable with life, have we? You used to be better, kid. What happened?

Remember the first time you felt your breath go faster? Yeah, I don’t either. I mean, we don’t remember when it began. I’ve never been able to put a pin on it, you know? I know it goes all blurry when we start going back. It probably started with the school bullies. Yeah, maybe.

Do you remember how they’d wait for you? Remember taking the longer way through campus to avoid every corner they frequented? Oh, man, still walking away from them, are we? Those sucker punches hit hard. I can still feel them sometimes, you know?

Can’t hear a thing at first, can we? Then, it gets louder. Every single sound, even the softest of whispers are jarring; the confusion, the world spinning, the knees shaking. Then, we’re back on the floor. The tiles used to be much colder, though. You’ve done well, kid.

Oh, but, it wasn’t always the bullies, right? They say you think too much, man. I laugh at them. You think just enough, I feel. You know where you went wrong, precisely, exactly, down to the specific moment where you screwed up, right? That makes you good, better. Breathe, you’re spiralling now.

It gets tough, doesn’t it? Laughing. I know it does when all you think about is every single mistake. You forget something often, kid. So, I have to come around and do this each time. It’s all getting a bit tedious, if you ask me, but well, that’s the job. I’m the grown up here.

Kid, I know you remember all those times you’ve been on the ground; do you remember the sidewalk? I know you remember what happened right after, too. You got up. You always get up. It’s morning already. We gotta get up, little man.

Look around, there are no bullies anymore. It’s only life, but you got it. I wish you’d stop bullying yourself someday. You’re not half bad, kid. You’re alright. Get up now. You always have, and you’ll figure it out.

Come on, we’ll do it together, on three. I’ll make you your favourite sandwich.

// if you want to support this walk to nowhere, you can pitch in here