Bookmark #881

Does it feel like home yet? A friend asked me this morning, and I did not have an answer at first, so I did not respond to their message. Then, as I got out of bed and walked to the desk with a cup of coffee, I replied, “Beginning to.” The idea of a home is so confusing. I am states away from my family, so a part of this will never feel like home, no matter how soft the rug is and no matter how sturdy the mugs are and regardless of how energetic the life is, and yet, all of those things add up and make it a home nonetheless. I often remark how we have homes in all cities where we know people, and no, I do not mean this as the friend who shows up unannounced and expects lodging in those places. It is a crude and cruel thing to do to people who, as we often forget, have their own lives to live, but mainly deal with. I simply mean a place where you can share some grub and some drink with someone is a home. That is all I mean.

It is an interesting time in this life, I reckon. Change is afoot in the most wonderful of ways, and I could not know what my life will look like a few months from now even if I tried. This unnerves me and excites me in equal measure. This is a far cry from my consistent and ever-growing demand for certainty. These are uncharted waters where there is no surety, not an ounce of it. There is no plan. There is no reason for this abrupt shifting of the sand beneath my feet, and yet, something about it feels astutely correct. Perhaps, I will have more to say about it in a few months from now. I truly hope the hope remains till then. That is the only thing I can expect. Often, things are well and good, and if they are not well and good, they are tolerable, but hope is the ringmaster. The amount of hope in us changes how we look at things. I have seen it recede into the shadows firsthand, so I know the colour of days when it is not by my side anymore, when it leaves without any note on the table telling why or where it has gone. So, if I were to do a thing as foolish as making a wish, I would wish for the hope to stay. It is up to it, after all, how this circus unfolds.

// if you want to support this walk to nowhere, you can pitch in here