Bookmark #848

How hard have I resisted wishing for things all my life, and now, there is a murmuration of them floating about my heart! To know the impossibilities of life, to have drawn the short stick enough to lose trust in the webs of fate and still dare to wish. I am humbled by my own humanity today for a change. On this unremarkable, uneventful last day of the year, I have surrendered.

I learned early on that wishes fell deaf on the ears of the world. I have known that fortune is a combination of work and luck, and I have verified firsthand that the latter has the power to veto and wipe the greatest efforts away. Yet, a newfound hope seems to have hatched in my heart. I only wish for it to be able to carry itself. As quick as it seems to pass, as unprepared we are for December, to spend a whole year is still an ordeal; to reach the end in one piece is a feat in itself. I reckon that is my first wish, a little bit ahead of time:

I wish for my heart to want a little bit of everything, and to not shy away from its claim on its fair share that has been often denied or refused outright.

I wish for my heart to indulge in itself, to want audaciously and loudly, to be able to shake fate in its feet, make it tremble, and then make it bow. And what if fate does not budge still? I wish for my heart to plant itself in protest if that is what it takes. I wish for it to be accommodating but assertive when required, and if I know something about life, it will be required now and then. I wish to be unwavering when it does and to extend my hand to fate, not only to give but to take now and then. A life is, after all, an exchange, and no exchange should ever be perpetually imbalanced. I wish for my heart to demand the same understanding it grants others and to seek those who can grant it.

And with all that, I wish for it to remain kind, to not fall to the perils of wanting, to walk the fine line I seem to have charted for it, and to cross over to the other side slowly but surely. These are my wishes for tomorrow and for the many days that follow.

And if they do not come true?

Then, I wish for the grace to admit defeat but also the tenacity and the boldness to wish for things again.

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