Bookmark #765

I woke up, what one might call fashionably late, and felt as if I was the protagonist of some film for a moment. Then, I went to the kitchen, made some coffee and sat at the desk to do nothing. There is an apparent simplicity in my life now. The funny thing is I never set out to build it—I only wanted it. But perhaps wanting things influences choices more than we realise. Perhaps not, either. I could not care less. This is a complicated matter, and I am only interested in simple things. Love, for example, should be simple, too. Difficult, yes. I do not mind things being difficult so long as they oscillate between easy and difficult, like the sun and the moon. But they should still be simple.

There is always a difference between simple and easy. I meet people who make my life so terribly complex in just a matter of weeks, it becomes a natural decision to let them go, and if they persist on staying, to show them the door. Growing a blossoming garden is one thing; maintaining it is another. Now that there are days filled with easygoing joy, there is nothing I would not do to protect them.

The gentle, soft October afternoon outside reminds me of every October I have ever set foot in. I often have a curious question: if I could somehow reach out to myself from any year other than this one, and if I told myself about my life, what would be the reaction I receive? Would it be one of shock or disillusionment, or perhaps joy? But this is a moment so ordinary, so beautiful and unadorned, so simple (I am aware of my over-usage of this word) that any question like this would have to wait for a day when my capacities are about me. Today, I wish only to sit here, sip my coffee and listen to music that fits right in.

There is always time for the complicated. But we must not drag it into our lives. If anything, we should actively try to push it out until we cannot. There is always an evening when a guest insists they come over despite you telling them it is not a good time. “Ah, you always say this,” they say as they make their way inside your home. And it is true, with good reason.

What reasonable person having a good time would invite elements that take it away?

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