Bookmark #665

I remember there were days when things were all bitter and aggravating, and a lot of it is still that way, but then, there is a feeling I cannot resist. It starts like a spark from some corner of my mind, and then, like fire, the joy takes over. For all that the world serves at me from across the table, no matter how fast, I shall return with the best of my ability, like in a casual game of table tennis with a friend. And if it is a curveball? Then, I shall hit it with the clumsiness only known to a child, and then, I shall laugh about it. I live this way, not because of weakness or inability to make my way through this world we live in. It is how I choose to play it, to play my days this way. In the end, we will want more time. This is a given. I try to make sure I have more to look back on, to remember because for all our wishes for more time, even if it is a second, we don’t really get any. Ultimately, we live and die with the days we have spent the way we have spent them.

My hand will always extend to someone else, and I will always pull all I can towards me and into my life. I have more than my share of reasons to reject this world, like many, like every one of us, but I have many more to love the messiness of it all; even if I didn’t, even if there was one, I would sway that way. It is often not those of us who have it easy who look at it all and are glad to be part of it, albeit inconsequential. Some of us are so privy to the potential of our hatred that we have no other alternative but to resist it.

I do not love this world fully, which is why I must deliberately try to do so, and sometimes, I am so angry, I have no choice but to be kind. But in the end, it is always a choice of how to spend our time here. That is all we have anyway: time. No religion can unite us with any promise of heaven or the scare of hell; no riches or wisdom defines us. Our common denominator is the eventual craving of having spent more of our days looking at the sun when we had the chance. It is a good thing then that it will come out again tomorrow and then again. Over and over, day after day, it will try to make us look. All we have to do is just that: choose to look.

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