Bookmark #456

Deep inside the caverns of my heart is an unwritten poem. I do not know how it starts, but it ends with: and so, all my choices have led me here. That is all life is, and that is all we are ever meant to be—an end result of all that we chose with the time we had, and more so, what we chose against. Our omissions make us who we become. Our choices are the footnotes, but what we leave behind is the prose.

All of us are meant to become exactly who we are not by some divine dictation but because when we reach the tail end, our choices, made entirely out of our own volition, lead us there. All I have chosen has made it impossible for me to choose something else. Whoever I become will, down to the last detail, be determined by all I left behind, for it too was a choice.

They tell me there is a universe looking out for me. I don’t see myself as necessary for the universe to think about me. Still, I do know what I have left behind, and what they call the unexplained, I call the consequence of choosing against. If I decide against a love that does not serve me, it is no universe that saves me but myself. And what of the hole in my heart? A consequence of the same choice. Looking at the gaping hole, I must choose again to leave it be or fill it with all I can find, and so as I fill it, I leave behind the gift of depth. There is no one choice but a continual choice to lead us exactly where we reach. To live is to choose continually, and to choose is to decide against everything else.

I have chosen to sit at this desk day after day for the past six months and watched the sky change its colours beside me like a dedicated companion, and I have watched the life inside explode with flowers and burgeon with hope.

All life is a secret, personal ballot with votes continually cast to determine where we reach when it ends, no matter when. All life is but a journey to reach the most elusive of all places—the bottom of our hearts. All hearts have the same poem, etched deep within their farthest corner.

I do not know what it begins with, but I know it ends with: and so, all my choices have led me here.

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