Bookmark #391

I’m not in a hurry anymore. I walk much slower on most days. Sometimes, I’m late here and there, like all of us are now and then. Besides those days, I enjoy this intentional, deliberate spending of time. I’m spending time like the rain.

Sometimes, the rain pours for days because it wants days. Sometimes, there is no storm, although the sky looks ripe for a shower, grey and maleficent. The brewing is merely a farce. Nothing transpires; the rain comes and goes in minutes. The grey changes to a bright yellow immediately. It is all as if there was no storm in the first place. All that is to say, I do not know what I want from most days. Just that, I act on my softest whims. If I have to pour myself into something, I do it for days—no sleep, no rest. And if I only want a soft thump of activity with a long charade, that’s all I do.

These days of not being in a hurry have taken over my plans for my life. It has occurred to me that waiting for happiness ensures it never arrives. Happiness only comes in one moment—the now. It was pointless to remember the past, the happy days. It was a tragedy. It was as if you were twisting a knife into your own gut. It was unwise to look at the future for it. It was undue pressure on time—asking for happiness before the day arrived. The only way to let joy in was to find some of it today. I often find some stuck in between the grass on my balcony.

I watched a child ride his bicycle the other day, free and unhinged; if you want to see happiness idolised, you must watch a child riding a bike at ease, with his unparalleled freedom; rarely is any moment so pure, so magnetic!

All my life exists in these chance happenings or the repetitive actions of the every day. Vocations, jobs, and pursuits are all things I do not much worry about. It is not to say I don’t give them their share of attention, only that I don’t do it in a hurry anymore. There is a restfulness unbeknownst to me earlier. All things end, and most things end earlier than anticipated. I shall not allow events of barely any significance to take my happiness away. There is little that carries weight in front of it.

What a sweet turn of events this life has been so far.

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