Bookmark #280

What will I do with the time? You ask.

I’ll learn to walk again. I’ve been running for a long time. I seem to have forgotten how to pace myself; I shall learn it again. Often, when we’re running away from imminent danger, we run like there’s no tomorrow. When we’ve run far enough, something within us assures us of our safety, and our steps become softer until we find ourselves walking. A few steps in, and we come to a standstill—heaving. Brimming with adrenaline, we start laughing hysterically.

From that point on, we always remember the moment. We recognise the feeling of it all ending. We remember how to run, but we often forget to walk. We tend to forget how to gallivant without a destination in mind. For a long time now, walking to me has been an act of arriving, but more importantly, leaving. I’ve come a long way since I started running away from you, but I have yet to learn how to walk again, to go back to my flaneurism.

I’ll also learn to write again. When we’re far too caught up in wars inside our own heads, we tend to talk about nothing but devastation. Naturally, all wars end and all trenches are eventually filled with dirt where grass burgeons. Scarred, of course. One could quickly point you to a field where a battle was fought and show you the remains of what once was a desolate landscape of hellish proportions, but cracks do fill, and grass does grow. If the Earth can move forward, perhaps, so can my words.

Most importantly, I’ll learn to rest. When we have run a long way and lived to tell the tale, there’s only one thing left—to get a good night’s sleep. It’s easier said than done, of course. I have twisted and turned in my sleep for a long time now. It is only recently that I’ve had some proper rest. Lately, I’ve enjoyed the sun, the rain, and the banalest of days. I’ve made the most of them all. All the running and all the fighting within can make you terribly exhausted. I will find respite tucked in the corners of all afternoons from this point on.

If you’ll take my word for it, I’m well on my way for all three. One tends to get better at most things if one can only make the time.

And making time is the one thing I have never had to learn.

// if you want to support this walk to nowhere, you can pitch in here