Bookmark #275

The rain pattered on the large glass window of our quaint bed and breakfast stay. Like most people in love prefer spending idle time together, we lay in bed talking about nothing in particular. I remember she said something about how I talked too straight, that I often lost my patience when someone tried to walk around with words instead of getting to the point. That was almost three years ago. We’re not together anymore, but if there is one memory that has stayed, it’s this one and for a good reason.

Over the years, I’ve heard the same remark in different forms. Years ago, someone I loved said I was too trusting for my own good. My mother recently told me how I’m too simple for the world I live in. Most friends think I don’t understand the world isn’t as fair as I believe it to be, and they’re probably right in their own regard. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, but I’ve been thinking about anger as well. You see, I used to be angry at the world just shy of a decade ago. I was furious at everyone I met. I despised everything, and the lens I viewed the world with was painted red. Red was all I saw.

It was a terrible existence, and I didn’t know when it began, but like most people who lose themselves in their mind, I too lost the light. I found my way outside of it with experience and error, and it has been an odyssey of its own. So, now, I live by a simple philosophy. While I know the world isn’t fair, I try to be just that. While I know people often don’t stop to help someone, I make sure I am never too busy to lend a hand or listen. If someone does me wrong, I try my best to rein the rage in, or if nothing else, to forgive.

I believe in a world that offers a chance or two to most people. I know the world well enough to accept it is a somewhat stupid philosophy to live by, and I can imagine how I might write myself into a corner with it eventually. Still, I will not settle for a world of mistrust anymore. I believe the world and the times are an image of the people who inhabit them. If I can manage to tip the scales, even slightly, even for one person, even once at all, I’ll be naive my whole life.

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