Bookmark #264

Have you ever wandered onto a familiar street without intending to go there at all? Have you ever tasted a meal, the first bite of which took you on a trip through the summer days of your childhood? I reckon that is how I felt today.

It was as if I was going back into an old friend’s home; one I hadn’t visited for a while. Nothing spectacular happened; nothing particular happened either. You see, I was walking down the same streets I always walk down today and suddenly, I felt this odd knowing.

I felt as if I had been wearing someone else’s clothes up until now, and it was only at that moment that I got to wear my own. Perhaps, that’s how it feels when one suddenly comes back into their stride. I wonder if you know what I mean. I wonder if you’ve ever been lost inside of yourself, if life has ever made you hide from yourself.

I can put all the metaphors on it but it wasn’t as if lightning hit me; clearly, it wasn’t a shock. It wasn’t a realisation and no large epiphany appeared. It was as if I had tucked myself into a warm blanket after a long day and a cold shower.

I felt a comfort I had long since forgotten, like a weight lifting off of myself, like holding coffee with both hands after getting drenched in the rain, like finding shelter in the starkest of storms, like a ship at sea stumbling upon a lighthouse, like a musician finally finding their tune, like the fog finally lifting after days of blindness.

Today, for the first time in what has only felt like an incalculable amount of time, I felt like myself again. Nothing changed, of course. Nothing ever does. Yet, I believe, it’s all for the better. I reckon I’d been lost for far too long.

I wonder if you know what I’m talking about. But then, I believe it’s all for the best if you’ve never been lost at all. It gets terribly lonely when one does. To others, you’re right there.

Yet, you continue to ask: but where am I?

// if you want to support this walk to nowhere, you can pitch in here