Bookmark #162

I knew a lot of people who were difficult to understand. I wasn’t like that. I was a simple person, or at least I strove to be one. In my experience, everyone else was extremely convoluted, and so that’s what they sought in others, failing to truly reach any understanding at all.

I was an anomaly then because I said how I felt and I did what I said. Well, I tried to, at least. I was a glitch because I was exactly what sat in front of people. Nothing about me was out of the ordinary because I simply had better things to do than lie or deceive or try to be someone I was not. That made me extremely unlikeable quite often. As I grew, I learnt to be okay with that trade-off.

As fond of conversation as I was, there was a lot I never said. I said what I said because I truly believed it. That didn’t mean I wasn’t wrong often. I was wrong all the time, but not when people said I was, almost never then. If you were to get to know me, you’d have all of the inner workings of my head in these words alone, and for most people, I knew that was enough.

So reading was the best bet for a lot of people who came across me. Even if you read it all, you’d not know everything, but that would be a good place to start. We could talk then, and I’d assume you would come with some sort of understanding about who I was, and then, I would break it all apart. Perhaps, it was one thing to know about me, about how I did things, about how I acted, about who I was, about where I was from.

Maybe it was another to know me. If you wanted to know me, all you’d have to do was ask, and I’d tell you everything. That’s what people never did. They never asked. They were too busy playing around with narratives in their head, and their opinion for how the world worked. They were always wrong.

In any case, to know me, all you’ll have to do is ask, and I’ll smile, then tell you everything there was to know. To know me, all you have to do is look carefully, and I’ll spill it all, without uttering a word. To know me, you’ll first have to have me let you in. Otherwise, you’re stuck with knowing about me, and for that, you have these words and your reasoning for the world.

What then do you need me for?

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